


How to Save a Life

by spaceflowrr



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Canonical Character Death, Drug Addiction, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marauders' Era, Post-Marauders' Era, Prostitution, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, The lost years, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 09:18:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13291800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceflowrr/pseuds/spaceflowrr
Summary: “What do you reckon happens when we die?”Joe frowned and took a deep breath, thinking hard for a moment. “I’m not sure. Perhaps there is an after life?” Remus pictured Lily, James and Peter watching from a fluffy white cloud. He chuckled softly before stopping abruptly. He doesn't want them to see him like this, unable to function, barely a person. It made his heart ache. “What do you want to happen, Remus?”Remus looked up at the clock on the wall for several long moments, running through every possibility. He bit his lip, accidentally breaking the dry skin with his teeth. “I hope to die and stay dead.”Or: How Remus learnt to cope when everyone left.





	How to Save a Life

**Patient's Name:** _Remus_ _John_ _Lupin_  
**Birthdate:** _10th March 1960_

* * *

Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat and began absentmindedly pulling on a loose thread on the sleeve of his jumper. He had been sat in this office for 15 minutes and still hadn’t spoke. He still had another 30 minutes left, and Remus shifted his attention to the man in front of him. Healer Smith, or as he had asked to be called, Joe.

Joe was only a few years older than Remus himself but he didn't look it. But that was probably because Joe had regular sleep and didn’t tear himself to pieces every 28 days.

“Remus,” Joe said slowly, gauging Remus’ reaction. “You’ve attended every session without fail and I still don’t know anything about you.”

“Sure you do,” Remus replied flatly. “You’ve read my file, my entire life story is in there. Remind me to ask for a copy of my medical records when I finally decide to document my life’s memoirs.”

Joe smiled. “That’s the most you’ve ever said to me,” he pushed his parchment and quill away from him. “Look, the more you speak, the more you get out of these sessions. There’s very little I can do if you never speak, it just makes us both feel uncomfortable for 45 minutes every week.” He paused, expecting a reply. Remus diverted his attention to the floor. At this, Joe changed tactics, “Alright then. How about this. Tell me why you bother attending these sessions if you don’t want help.”

Remus swallowed, “Dumbledore said so.”

“No. I’m not accepting that as an answer. You come here on your own, you made that decision. So all I want to know is why.”

He looked up, studying Joe’s face as he picked his words carefully. “Because, I don’t want to think about _him_.”

* * *

**Status:** _Half_ _-Blood (Werewolf)_

* * *

“We need you to work undercover,” Dumbledore said, his expression grave. “It's very important.”

Remus stood silently, head bowed. He cleared his throat. “Yes of course. What needs doing?” Remus had learnt from a young age that sometimes it was best not to ask too many questions as a lot of questions didn't have pleasant answers.

“The packs. They need convincing. We need you to join them. You wouldn't be able to tell anyone where you are or what the nature of these missions will be. Do you understand?” Dumbledore cleared his throat after not receiving a reply from Remus.

Remus looked up slowly. “Yes, Sir.

* * *

“Where the ever loving fuck have you been?”

He had been drinking, that much was obvious, from the constant slur to the struggle he had to lift himself from his seat when Remus walked through the door. Remus watched Sirius carefully. “You think you can just piss off wherever the fuck you want, then come back and not tell me a fucking thing?” Sirius staggered over to Remus and Remus took a step back.

“You know I can't tell you Pads-”

“No,” Sirius had Remus pressed up against the door, holding onto his shoulders, not only to steady himself but to make sure Remus wouldn't run from this fight. “You don’t get to call me that. You can’t even look me in the fucking face anymore and you think you still get to call me that?” Sirius’ voice grew louder. “Only people I trust get to call me that.”

Remus winced. “So, is that what you’re telling me? You don’t trust me anymore?” Remus shoved Sirius away.

“Are you really that shocked, Moon Pie?” Sirius said bitterly. “You disappear. Where the fuck are you, Remus?”

“I’ve told you. I can't tell you!”

“Bullshit!” Sirius spat out. Remus brushed past Sirius towards the kitchen. Sirius went quiet. “I know you're the spy.”

Remus halted, all air seemed to vanish from his lungs. He turned back round to face Sirius, his face hard. Rage built inside his stomach. He took a deep breath before replying.

“Oh. You’ve got me, haven't you?” Remus’s tone was flat. He stared directly into Sirius’ eyes who swayed a little from the alcohol. “You’re completely right, aren’t you? You always were. Sirius Black is never wrong.” Sirius grimaced at his words.

“You’re completely right, Black. After all, I’m useful to the Death Eaters. I’m dangerous - deadly, even. You know that though, don't you? You tried to use me as a weapon too. What a fun little joke that was.” Sirius opened his mouth as if to reply and then quickly shut it again.

“You know all about playing games, Sirius. Had me going for a while too,” Remus smirked. “Hey. Remember that time when you said you loved me? I was stupid enough to believe it. Stupid enough to think you cared more about me than pissing off your parents.”

Sirius looked down at his feet and then looked back up at Remus.

“Don’t-”

“What? Don't what?” Remus searched Sirius’ eyes frantically for a tiny glimmer of trust that Sirius used to look at him with, when things were easier, when war wasn’t threatening all of them.

“Don’t try and put this on me,” said Sirius, his voice quiet, masking something Remus couldn't quite work out. Pain? Anger? Sadness? Guilt?

“Put this on you? You called me a fucking spy! You think I’d do this? Betray everyone I love? And then what? Let the only people who made me feel slightly okay die?” Remus shouted.

“You’re not going to take them from me. I won’t let you,” Sirius’ voice broke. He sobbed and looked up at Remus. For a moment, Remus felt sorry for him. The moment didn't last.

“Sirius,” Remus sighed, “will you move out the way of the door?” It wasn’t really a question, it was a request. Remus rubbed his forehead, the onset of a headache was looming.

“No,” Sirius dropped to sit on the floor, in front of the door, making it impossible for Remus to get around him. “You don't get to leave again,” Sirius brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. He suddenly looked much younger - fragile, almost.

“Fine,” Remus turned back round and headed towards the kitchen in search of something to rid him of the pain he felt, something stronger than painkillers.

* * *

**Job Status:** _Unemployed_

* * *

Remus discarded the butt of the cigarette to his left as he watched the sunlight fading into darkness. Remus shivered, and pulled his coat around him tighter.

The moon was waning, the full moon having been a few days prior. The moonlight made his skin sting. He scratched along his arm, accidentally reopening a large scratch he gave himself. He shuddered ever so slightly and felt the ache of his bones. Shouldn’t he be used to this pain by now? He’d been through far worse pain with James, Peter and Lily’s deaths. He knows there are far worse things than the monster he becomes.

Remus found it easy to play “monster,” to keep his edges sharp and his words sharper. Remus found it harder to play human. It was difficult to pretend that he wasn’t the evil that everyone said he was, what Sirius said he was. Remus reached into his coat pocket searching for another cigarette. He only had to starve off his addictive tendencies a little while longer.

He lit his cigarette wandlessly and took a long drag. He looked up from his place on the bench into the sky, trying to spot that one star. Remus felt a surge of guilt when he found it, he took another drag to ease the growing uneasiness in his stomach. He stared at it, Sirius, he closed his eyes quickly.

This is why Remus found it easy to play monster. Because that’s what he was. He still thought about him. Still thought about all of them. He desperately wished that everything was different. He wasn't sure he was strong enough.

Remus finished his next cigarette and another one after that and then stood up, stretching his back. He walked down an alley he knew far too well, pausing slightly when he saw it. The Parlour.

The Parlour was just a fancy word used by his ‘employer.’ In all honesty, The Parlour was a run down building where seedy looking men came to have fun. Remus approached the door, pushed it slowly and headed inside.

The man behind the desk looked up and smiled, revealing plenty of yellow teeth. He was short man, balding and slightly overweight. He was covered in tattoos and didn't smell particularly great, but Remus wasn’t one to judge.

“Ahh. Black!” The man rose from his chair. “You made it, wasn’t sure you’d be here tonight.”

“Hey Tony,” Remus offered a weak smile. “I’m in need of some cash, still got no job.”

Tony frowned. “Well, you’ve always got a job here if you need it.” Remus nodded. He knew he’d always have a job here. “You were off for a couple of nights, hope you’re feeling better tonight.” This, Remus thought, was an added bonus of working for a muggle. They never suspected he was a werewolf.

“Thanks Tony.”

“Just down the corridor, Black. Usual room. Go sort yourself out and let me know when you’re ready.”

Remus gave a small nod and made his way down the narrow corridor until he reached the door which had a small golden 4 painted onto it. He opened the door and made his way inside.

Remus stripped off his coat and clothes before making his way over to the small bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the dirty mirror. He traced a finger over the new scar on his collar and arm. He felt nothing. When Remus was younger, every new scar caused an indescribable sadness in him. It left him feeling damaged; it reminded him of who he was, which was something Remus would rather forget.

Remus eyes lingered on his reflection a moment longer before he washed his face. He put on fresh clothes, ran his fingers through his curly hair, and sat on the bed in the room. He looked around for a moment before standing back up and walking down the corridor to let Tony know he was ready.

Remus walked to the front desk and looked around at the hopeful men who stared up at him, longingly. He smiled a little and turned to Tony who nodded at a man sitting down. “You’re up.” The man stood and came up to Remus’ collars. He was older, much older, and Remus grabbed the man’s hand and pulled him back to Room 4.

“What do I call you?” the man asked whilst Remus finished closing the door. Remus turned around and walked towards him.

“Whatever you want, babe,” Remus spoke slowly, pressing himself against the shorter man. He smelt of cigarettes and whiskey and Remus draped his arms around the man’s shoulders. “After all, you’re the one paying.”

* * *

“What are you doing for work these days?” Joe asked. Remus shrugged.

“Bits and pieces.” Remus found it best to be vague whenever money and employment was brought up. He felt ashamed for the most part, he got good OWLs, was a trusted member of the Order of the Phoenix and helped to take down the Darkest Wizard known. So why was he spending most nights on his knees for men who didn't even know his name?

The issue was, Remus knew exactly why. He knew why he couldn’t stop. It was because it was his only stable source of income, the only chance he got to earn money so he could forget him for a little longer. Remus blamed Sirius. Blamed Fenrir. Blamed James and Lily and Peter for dying.

Remus looked up at Joe after they had lapsed into silence for a while. “What do you reckon happens when we die?”

Joe frowned and took a deep breath, thinking hard for a moment. “I’m not sure. Perhaps there is an after life?” Remus pictured Lily, James and Peter watching from a fluffy white cloud. He chuckled softly before stopping abruptly. He doesn't want them to see him like this, unable to function, barely a person. It made his heart ache. “What do you want to happen, Remus?”

Remus looked up at the clock on the wall for several long moments, running through every possibility. He bit his lip, accidentally breaking the dry skin with his teeth. “I hope to die and stay dead.”

* * *

Remus laid on the bed, naked, staring at the ceiling whilst the man dressed himself. After a few more seconds, Remus caught his breath back and pushed himself up to sit on the bed. He reached for a cigarette. “Do you mind?”

“No. Go ahead,” the man replied. Remus gave a grateful smile and lit the end. He waited patiently, smoking, whilst the man used the bathroom and straightened out his suit. The man returned, holding a large wad of muggle cash in his hand.

“Here you go,” he smiled and handed the cash to Remus who counted each note quickly, cigarette dangling between his lips. “I’m John, by the way.”

“Thanks, John.” Remus placed the money on the bedside table and stood up and walked around towards the shorter man. “It’s been a _pleasure,_ ” Remus punctuated the word with a small wink.

“I’ll be back,” John said hurriedly, a slight blush forming. He looked up at Remus.

“Of course you will, baby,” Remus purred out, long and slow. He placed a quick kiss on the man’s cheek, pressing his naked form against the other’s clothed one. He pulled back, signalling that his time was up. He walked John to the door, and let him out. “Until next time.”

John grinned and nodded before walking down the corridor. Remus smiled softly in return, and watched John walk down the corridor before going back inside and shutting the door. His smile dropped and he walked back towards the bed, putting his cigarette out on the ashtray before picking up the pile of cash.

He placed the cash in the small drawer provided, before he went to wash himself. He put on his clothes again and walked back out of Room 4, towards the front desk and waited for the next customer.

* * *

**Known Partners:** _None_

* * *

Remus’ eyes glazed over the second Joe asked about his love life. He thought he misheard him but Joe asked again.

“Do you have anyone in your life, Remus? A partner?” Remus grimaced and cracked his knuckles, looking at Joe for several long seconds before replying.

“No,” Remus smiled slightly. “Why? Are you offering?” Joe laughed heartily and grinned broadly at Remus.

“Flattered, as always, Remus. But I have to make you aware this is a strictly professional relationship,” Joe smiled. Remus questioned how genuine it was. “Really, though. Have you ever considered a relationship?”

“How can I? Who in their right mind would want to be with me? It’s easier to be alone.” Remus shrugged and pushed himself upright on the chair. “Besides, I’m okay being alone.”

“So you've never had a girlfriend at school?”

Remus stiffened and rolled his shoulders, cracking several bones in his upper back. He sighed.

“No. I’ve never had a girlfriend.” He looked down, Joe was studying him carefully.

“You seem uncomfortable. Is there something you wish to tell me? This is a safe place Remus. No one will judge you here,” Joe offered a small, polite smile and took his glasses off to give them a quick clean on his shirt. Remus breath hitched, Joe's action reminded him exactly of  _James._ He watched as Joe cleaned his glasses and Remus remained frozen still. “Remus?”

“Oh. Erm... Will this go on my file?” Remus pried his eyes away from Joe’s glasses and looked at his face again, searching for something that told him Joe couldn't be trusted. He didn't find anything.

“I can’t promise anything. We are required to collect as much information about our patients as possible. I can promise you however, that the file is strictly confidential and only seen by me,” Joe gave a quick smile to reassure him.

“Oh. Ok,” Remus watched as Joe pushed his glasses back up his nose. He spoke, voice barely above a whisper. “I like men.”

Joe blinked twice, smile faltered slightly, revealing his shock, before his friendly grin returned. “See, Remus. That was easy wasn’t it? You’ve told me something personal to you, a few weeks ago we were getting nowhere. I’m proud of you.”

Remus’ face grew red embarrassment; he looked down at the floor, biting the inside of his cheek as he thought of something to say.

“I had a boyfriend at school,” Remus said slowly, eyes still transfixed on the floor. “It was _him_.”

* * *

**Known Partners:** _~~None.~~ Sirius Black (ex-partner)_

* * *

“You know Moony, I think I’m a tiny bit in love with you,” Sirius half-shouted over the music playing in the Gryffindor common room to celebrate Gryffindor’s latest quidditch win. Remus rolled his head over to look at Sirius.

“Oh yeah?” replied Remus, grasping onto Sirius’ shoulder for balance. He swayed a little, clenching Sirius’ shoulders tighter, “Is it because I’m a pretty boy, Sirius?” Remus giggled, his face hot and his inhibitions lowered.

Sirius blushed. “Definitely. You know you’re gorgeous, right?” Sirius grinned. Remus was kind of adorable whilst he was drunk, all worry and pain vanishing from his face.

“Mmmhmm. Do you think so? I think you’re pretty beautiful too,” Remus stared into Sirius’ grey eyes. “I think about you a lot. With your stupid hair that smells good and your face which is nice.” Sirius laughed at Remus’ limited vocabulary, usually Remus’ language was a little more sophisticated.

“You have a freckle above your eyebrow too...” Remus’ voice drifted off as he poked Sirius’ forehead clumsily, “I want to kiss it.” Sirius gently grabbed at Remus’ hand which was poking him in various spots on his face.

Sirius pulled Remus away from the fireplace where they had been standing and pulled him by the hand up to the dorm room. Once Sirius had shut the door behind them, he turned to Remus who was staring at him with big eyes and a slightly open mouth. He licked his lips.

“Remus. You can’t say things you don't mean,” he guided Remus to sit on his bed and brought him a glass of water. “Don’t say you want to kiss me if you don't.”

“But I do!” whined Remus. “I always want to, but I can’t.” Remus grabbed the glass of water and sipped it slowly.

“Why can’t you?” Sirius found it difficult to keep up with what Remus was saying, because whilst he wasn’t as drunk as Moony, he still felt slightly dizzy.

“Because,” sighed Remus dramatically, “you’re you, and I'm me. You don't want to be with someone like me.” He looked at Sirius again. “You deserve someone like James.”

Sirius erupted into laughter, “I don't want James!” Sirius wiped away tears from his eyes, still laughing. “I love him, sure. But that fucker would be annoying to be with, could you imagine how many sonnets he would write about my arse?” Remus breathed out a small chuckle at Sirius' comment. “Besides, I like you.”

Remus swallowed, smile falling from his face. “You promise me?”

“I promise,” Sirius nudged Remus playfully.

Remus placed his glass of water on the bedside table and turned to face Sirius again. “We should kiss,” he smiled softly at Sirius, bringing his hand to the other’s face to stroke it softly.

“Yeah. I guess we should.”

* * *

**Date of Referral:** _9th December 1981_  
**Referred by:** _Albus Dumbledore_

* * *

Remus woke suddenly to a loud knocking on his door. He looked around, he was at home on the sofa. He couldn't remember what was happening. Remus struggled to get up, whoever was at the door was still knocking and didn't seem to relenting any time soon.

Remus’ head was pounding and he felt nauseous. He stumbled over towards the door, unlocked it and breathed sharply when he saw who it was - Albus Dumbledore. Dumbledore smiled politely at Remus, his eyes gleaming from behind his glasses.

“Good morning, Remus!”

“Yeah. Erm. Good Morning,” Remus shut his eyes tightly and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stave off his headache from worsening. “I have to say, Professor, I wasn’t exactly expecting guests. You know, with everyone being dead,” Remus’ sarcasm was cut short by a break in his voice. A pressure in his throat was building and he felt his eyes dampen. Dumbledore’s cheery expression quickly turned into a frown.

“I just wanted to see how you were holding up,” said Dumbledore softly.

Remus sighed, “Come in.” He moved out of the way so Dumbledore could come in and then he shut the door. “Here, you can sit,” Remus gestured towards the old sofa that he had just been sleeping on. “Do you want anything?”

“Oh. No thank you,” Dumbledore settled himself on the sofa and Remus sat on the coffee table opposite. “I suppose it’s a silly question to ask how you are.”

Remus rubbed his eyes, “Yes.” He stared at the green swirling pattern on Dumbledore’s robes whilst he tried to think of something else to say.

“You understand why Harry can’t live here, don’t you Remus? It’s not safe,” said Dumbledore. He took off his hat and placed it on his knees, studying Remus’ face.

“That’s only once a month,” said Remus, his muscles stiffened in his neck and his jaw tensed.

“That’s not what I meant,” Dumbledore looked Remus in the eyes carefully. He nodded slowly, that suggested to Remus that he knew what Remus was doing to “cope”. Remus swallowed, he felt ashamed and he looked down. “You need help, Remus.”

“I’m fine,” Remus said with as steady a voice as he could manage. He was bouncing his leg up and down, he wanted Dumbledore to leave.

“What you’re doing is not fine. This is not healthy. You’re trying to forget them. Do you think that's what they would want?”

Remus felt a pain in his chest. He ached, he felt sick as he looked at Dumbledore. “It doesn't matter what they want.” He let himself think of James, Lily and Peter for a moment before he wished he hadn’t, “They're dead.”

Dumbledore looked saddened, he leant forwards towards Remus who was still staring at the floor. Remus’ cheeks were covered in tears and Dumbledore reached out a hand to pat Remus’ knee. “Remus, you're going to end up killing yourself if you carry on doing what you are.”

Remus looked up into the older wizard’s eyes, as though determined. “I know.”

* * *

Remus watched as Healer Smith pulled out a large piece of parchment and a quill. He turned and smiled at Remus, who smiled weakly in return. Remus scratched at his wrist through his jumper, silently cursing himself when a sharp stinging sensation occurred, indicating that the wool of a his jumper had pulled off a scab.

“Hello, Remus!” said Healer Smith cheerily. “How are we doing today?”

Remus looked at Healer Smith through heavily lidded eyes. He shrugged, murmuring a quick, “I don't know.” Remus shivered and felt a slight sweat forming on his brow and upper lip.

“Well then, why don’t we start with why you're here?” Healer Smith did not seem put off by Remus’ unenthusiasm. Remus let his head fall back and looked up at the ceiling. He groaned softly.

“I know it’s difficult Remus, but it will help if we work together,” he said sincerely.

“It won’t help,” Remus’ words came out slow and drawn out. He blinked slowly and his head lolled forwards. “Can you bring them back, Healer Smith?” he slurred.

“Joe,” Healer Smith corrected. “Call me Joe. And you know I can’t bring them back but we can work together to help you to cope.”

“I am coping.”

Remus looked up at the clock on the wall behind Joe’s head every second seemed to be going by slower and slower. He closed his eyes willing himself to stay upright.

“Well, we will help you to cope by using,” Joe paused for a moment, looked Remus up and down before choosing his words carefully, “healthier methods.”

Remus snorted which caused Joe to look serious for the first time during their session.

“Remus, I’m going to help you.”

* * *

**Identified Issues:** _Depression_

* * *

Remus laid on his four poster bed in the boy’s dormitory on a sunny afternoon in May. He was curled up in a foetal position and he stared into nothingness. He felt nothing, the full moon was approaching and Remus couldn’t bring himself to care.

In the darkest parts of his mind, he was excited. Excited that he’d be able to forget everything, excited that he’d be able to feel something again. He was interrupted from his thoughts when James and Sirius came clambering into the dormitory.

“Hello Moony!” James said with a large grin on his face and, what appeared to be, soot marks on his face and uniform.

“Yes Moony. Hello! What have you been doing?” Sirius panted. His hair stuck to his face with sweat. He was also covered in soot, however it appeared that James had suffered more damage.

“Oh. You know,” Remus pushed himself up and smiled, “the usual. Reading, homework, napping-”

“Wanking,” said Sirius in a perfect mimic of Remus’ Welsh lilt. James cackled and ruffled his hair. He took his glasses from his face and gave them a quick wipe on his shirt.

“Oi. That’s not true.” James had sat down on Remus’ bed. He patted Remus’ cheek. “Remus is too good for that, aren't you, Moony?”

Remus laughed and winked at James. James pulled his hand away from Remus’ face in mock terror and disgust.

“My Moony...” He put the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically, “choking the chicken? Why? I never-”

Sirius grinned at the theatrics that played out before him. He watched Remus tackle James to the floor, tickling him. “Oi you two, if you could stop being in love for three seconds that would be great.” Sirius did his best to hide his jealousy. Remus jumped off James quickly.

James laid on the floor for a few moments longer before he caught his breath. “He’s jealous of our love, Moony.” James got up and looked at Sirius knowingly for a moment, before he diverted his attention to Remus. “Seriously though,” James quickly held his hand up in front of Sirius’ face to prevent him from making a pun, “you okay?”

“I’m fine,” said Remus, avoiding eye contact, “where’s Wormtail?"

“The bastard couldn't outrun Filch,” said Sirius. “Honestly, Filch! If he’s caught again, he’s out of the band.”

“For the last time, Pads. We aren't a band,” Remus sighed, exasperated. He gave Sirius a playful shove and grinned.

“Don’t be a cock,” Sirius said as he ran a hand through his hair. He glanced at Remus and bit his lip slightly, winking. Remus’ ears flushed red.

“You two are disgusting. Why don't you get married?” said James as he walked over to his bed, undoing his tie. He threw it down on the bed. “I’m off to get Wormy. I’m going to sweet talk Minnie.” James pulled out his wand, muttered a cleansing spell so all visible dirt vanished.

“She loves me more, Prongs,” said Sirius, who had ran over to wipe a dirty finger on James’ face.

“You coming, then?”

“Nope. It’s his fault for not sticking to the Marauder’s Work-Out Schedule. I told him he should focus on his cardio.” Sirius walked towards his bed, falling onto it with a loud thump.

“You realise, no one gave a shit about that schedule, right?” said Remus as he rolled his eyes. He sat back down on his own bed.

“Well, I’m sorry for caring about our health.”

“Puh-Lease,” James scoffed from the doorway. “You only invented that schedule so you’d have an excuse to watch Moony work out.” He grinned at Remus and winked. “I wouldn’t have minded either though.”

Remus laughed and mimicked flexing a muscle. He kissed his bicep. Sirius gaped at Remus, his eyes widened.

“And with that, I’m off,” said James as he walked out the dormitory, messing his hair up once more for good measure.

Remus’ smile faded quickly before he noticed Sirius was still looking at him. He gave Sirius a weak grin, before he fell backwards so he was lying down again. It was quiet.

Sirius desperately tried to think of something to say. He had noticed that Remus seemed to be slightly more withdrawn lately and he couldn't help but worry, especially after what Peter said he saw. He poked at a blemish on his hand as he spoke, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Remus froze, his breath caught in his throat. “I said, I’m fine,” said Remus, his voice was low, unwavering. He turned over away from Sirius.

“If you say so.” Sirius took a deep breath, he hesitated. “It’s just that Peter saw you getting changed and he said you-” Sirius cut himself off when he saw that Remus had sat up rigid.

“What did he see?” Remus said quietly, his breathing was laboured and a flash of panic was seen in his eyes.

“He saw your-” Sirius looked down, he felt bad for bringing this up but he couldn't get the image of Remus out of his head, “cuts.” he finished.

Remus let out a long breath he didn't realise he had been holding. He smirked. “I don't know if you’ve realised this, but I’m constantly covered in cuts, it’s one of the side effects of tearing yourself to pieces every month.”

“No…” Sirius said slowly, he stared at Remus, trying to read his body language. “He said they were different, they were fresh.”

Remus grin looked forced and his voice was strained, “It must have been after the full moon.” He waved his hand dismissively, he began to lie back down again.

“Remus this was 2 days ago, the moon is in 3 days. They weren't from that.”

Remus looked down. He was running his fingers over his cardigan sleeves. Sirius watched him take a deep breath.

“Please, tell me the truth Moony.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Remus whispered. Sirius jumped from his own bed and walked around to Remus’ and placed himself gently next to him. Sirius took in a sharp breath when Remus pushed his sleeves up. His skin was littered with cuts, some fresher than others. Remus looked away.

“Is this all of them?”

Remus shook his head.

“No,” he pushed his sleeves back down and played with a loose thread on the sleeve. “There are some on my legs, stomach also.” He looked up at Sirius. “Don’t cry.”

Sirius swallowed back tears, a lump formed in his throat. He nodded quickly and sniffed.

“Why?” It was the only word Sirius could manage, his throat was tight.

“I don’t know,” Remus admitted, defeated. “I just didn’t think it mattered. I’m covered in scars anyway, what's a few more?” Remus laughed, it was a hollow sound and his smile didn't reach his eyes.

“Moony. You could have told us.”

“No,” Remus replied quickly, “No. I couldn't.”

Sirius moved closer towards Remus and pulled him into a tight hug. His tears spilled over. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, hesitant at first. They were both crying.

“I’m so sorry Moony. I'm so sorry.” Sirius’ voice cracked on every word.

“What for?” Remus’ voice was low, he hugged Sirius tighter.

“We couldn’t keep you safe.”

* * *

“Today, I want to talk about how you’re feeling.” Joe said. Remus looked up and then nodded. He had been distracted. “Do you feel any better?”

Remus thought for a moment. He tapped his fingers on his legs.

“I don’t think I’ll ever feel any better.” Remus shrugged. He had subconsciously resigned himself to this fact for a while now so he wasn't surprised when he blurted it out. Joe however, was.

“Why do you think that?” He ran his fingers through is hair, slightly dishevelling it. Remus was instantly reminded of James and had to remind himself to breathe. He forgot the question.

"Sorry,” Remus said, he shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind. Everything felt so blurry, distant almost. He could hear his own heartbeat loudly in his ears. He tried to refocus.

“Remus. You seem a little off today. Can you tell me what's wrong?”

* * *

**Identified Issues:** _Anxiety_

* * *

“Hey, sweetheart. You alright?” John passed Remus a cigarette who took it with trembling fingers. He lit it with the lighter kept on the bedside table. He inhaled.

“I’m fine,” Remus flashed a quick smile at John and exhaled. “You know technically, we’re not supposed to smoke in here.”

Remus took a long drag and passed the cigarette to John.

“And technically, I’m not supposed to be paying for sex,” John said whilst smiling, “yet here we are.”

Remus turned to look at John, he studied his face.

“Touché.” Remus raised his hands up in surrender. He didn't mind John all that much. John, Remus discovered, was a CEO of a business company and unhappily married. He didn't ever pry into his clients life stories, tried not to pass judgement on what led them to be here. Remus was the first one to admit he was under no obligation to be judging someone's lifestyle.

John sat up. “So, Sirius. Tell me.”

Remus flinched slightly at the name and reached back over to grab the cigarette.

“What does a pretty man like you do to end up here?”

Remus looked up at the ceiling and laughed. “That’s a long story and not one I particularly care to tell.” Remus took another drag, his heart pounded against his chest. He shut his eyes tight and focused on his breathing. “You need to leave,” said Remus focusing all his energy on making his voice steady.

“Babe I-”

“Now.”

Remus put the cigarette out, stood up quickly and rushed to open the door, “Bye John.”

John walked out the door and looked at Remus with a confused expression painting his features. Remus slammed the door, turned back round and sat down quickly.

He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled. He needed to focus on something. He clutched at his chest, he could feel his heart beating faster and faster. He pulled his legs to his chest and hugged them. He rocked. Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

Panic flooded his body, he could feel it building in every nerve ending. He breathed heavily. In. Out. In. Out. He pulled at his hair again. Focus. Focus. Focus. Remus let out a pained cry. He clawed at his skin, reopening several healing wounds. He needed to focus the pain, contain it to a part of him.

Remus’ face was damp with tears. He shut his eyes again and wished away the nausea. He felt as though he was drowning, his lungs filling up with a heavy pain. Adrenaline shot through his body, he pulled himself up and ran towards the room’s balcony. The fresh air hit his face.

He sat down and let the cool breeze run over his skin as his breathing began to return to normal. He held his hands out in front of him, he watched them shake and then balled them up into fists. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and then rested his head. Remus sobbed.

He thought for some naive reason that he could forget all of it when he came here to The Parlour. He thought he could forget the loss and grief. He believed the knot in his stomach would loosen itself for a little while.

Remus looked at the various marks on his arms, as though they were a scrapbook of memories. He traced each line, each imperfection, and reminded himself that at one time, he wasn’t this alone. There used to be a time when Remus Lupin wasn’t held together by the ghosts of his friends that lived under his skin. There was a time when Remus Lupin was alive, and not just surviving.

* * *

Remus bounced his leg up and down. He looked around the room, his eyes unfocused. Remus had been on edge for days now. He looked at Joe in the eye, his jaw clenching, “I almost didn't come today.”

Joe raised his eyebrows. “Yeah? Why’s that?” He took his glasses off and placed them on his desk, he swivelled his chair around so he was looking at Remus head on.

“Felt nervous.” Remus shrugged and moved to sit forward on his chair.

“Why’s that?” Joe asked, his voice soft.

“I’m always nervous now,” Remus leant forwards, scratching his hands. “Ever since-” his voice cracked and took a deep breath before continuing, “they died.”

“Are you taking the medication?”

“Yes.”

“And are you, still? You know? Clean.”

“Yes,” Remus sat up straight again and fiddled with the sleeve of his jumper. “I think about it a lot though.”

* * *

**Identified Issues:** _Substance Abuse_

* * *

Remus breathed a sigh of relief as the last man of the night walked out of Room 4. He rushed back to the bed and threw his old clothes on, quickly washed his face and grabbed the pile of cash he had been accumulating over the evening. He stuffed it in his coat pocket.

Remus rushed out of the room, waved Tony a quick goodbye and left. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he brought a cigarette to his lips with shaky hands. He walked for several minutes before reaching a subway. A smile ghosted his lips and he cursed himself for not feeling guilty and tried to think of how disappointed Joe was going to be.

But he didn't feel guilty. He felt relief. This was the only thing that ever helped him to forget, numb the pain for a while and Remus couldn't bring himself to care about the damage it was doing him. He waited at the edge as he finished his cigarette, before flicking it to the ground.

Remus spotted him, Dusty, speaking to what appeared to be a very drunk woman. Dusty spotted Remus and walked over. “Hello Stranger!”

Remus nodded, hands in his pockets. It had been a while since he’d come here.

“Alright Dusty?” Remus croaked out, his breath coming out as a thick mist. He shivered and Dusty smiled, showing what few teeth he had. He pulled Remus into a hug, thumping his back. It made Remus cough.

Dusty laughed. “Christ, you look rough.” He pulled back and placed his hands firmly on Remus’ shoulders as if to keep him from falling over. “Thought you’d seen the light and changed your ways.” Dusty’s figure was lowly lit by a dull orange light up ahead. Remus thought of Joe again.

He shook his head.

“I’ve just been out of money,” Remus replied.

Dusty looked sympathetic, “That's rough.” He took his hands off Remus’ shoulders, leaving Remus to lean against the wall. “But you know a cash payment isn't always required.” He winked and Remus shuddered slightly.

“Maybe another time,” said Remus. His nose was going numb and he wanted to be back home as soon as possible.

“You tease, you always say that.” Dusty smiled. “You’re a very pretty man, James.”

Remus bit his tongue hard at James’ name. This was what made him feel guilty. He used his dead friend’s name to buy drugs and his murdering ex-boyfriend’s name to sleep with strangers for money. He kept their ghosts alive, stealing their names for his own selfish uses.

“So. What do you want?”

* * *

Joe took his glasses off and rubbed his forehead. He looked disappointed at Remus who was staring at him, slumped in his chair. They had both been silent for a while. Remus blinked slowly.

“Are we going to talk about it then?”

Remus swallowed and cocked his head to the side, “About what?”

He let his head roll back and he stared at the ceiling. One of the lights was flickering softly, Remus watched it, his eyes transfixed.

“Remus?”

Remus looked back at Joe again, who was bearing an expression he hadn’t seen before. Remus rubbed his eyes slowly, his arms were heavy.

“Remus?”

“Yes?” drawled Remus. He frowned slightly at Joe who was studying him intently, “What?”

Remus leaned forwards and stretched his back. He stayed forwards, looking at the carpet for several seconds, before leaning back again.

“What have you taken?” Joe asked, his voice was steady yet harsh.

Remus looked at Joe, his mouth hanging open slightly. He waved his hands dismissively.

“Nothing. I’m just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night.”

It was partly true, Remus hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. He pushed himself to sit up straight. The crease in his arm was itchy and bruised, Remus did his best to ignore it; it only reminded him of the spiral of lies he was getting himself into.

“You want me to believe that?” Joe asked, his voice was higher than Remus had ever heard it. “Remus, what is going on?”

Remus hummed noncommittally. He scratched at the long scar running across his face over his nose. He looked at Joe, putting together a sentence in his head.

“I want to forget.”

* * *

Remus looked out at the Black Lake and watched the sky turn a deep orange. The summer evening breeze was pleasant and he laid down, his head on Sirius’ lap. “You okay, Moony?”

Remus hummed, nodding lazily. Sirius took a final drag of the joint and put it out. “Oi. Prongs, roll us another?”

“You roll it,” said James, grinning, he was on Sirius’ left and holding Lily’s hand. “I’m busy.” He leant towards Lily and put a clumsy kiss on her cheek.

“Not rolling me a joint is homophobic,” Sirius whined. He let his hand rest in Moony’s hair, “I can’t do it.”

“How punk,” Lily smirked. She had unlaced her fingers from James’ and reached into her bag for papers. “I’ll do it so the baby shuts the fuck up,” she laughed.

Remus sat up, looking to his right. Peter was asleep.

“He’s such a lightweight,” muttered Remus. He turned back towards Sirius, “Like you.”

“Ouch,” Sirius held his hand to his chest as though he had been shot. He stuck out his tongue. “Hurt me again and we’re getting a divorce.” He laughed, and Remus gave him a gentle shove.

“I hate you,” He said quietly into Sirius’ ear, his breath made Sirius shiver. Sirius turned to look at him, his pupils blown.

“No you don't,” He poked Remus’ nose before turning back around to talk to James.

“No,” said Remus more to himself than Sirius. He sighed, watching the water, “I don’t.” He zoned out for a while before his attention was diverted to James.

“Moons. How do you have a never-ending supply of weed?”

“Lovegood,” Remus said with a smile. “He gives me discounts because I listen to him talk about crumple-horned something or others.”

“What are you going to do when we leave?” James grinned but Remus felt his stomach twist.

 _When we leave,'_   he thought. ' _What am I going to do?'_  

He didn't answer James and everyone went quiet.

“It’s rolled!” Lily half-shouted, pulling everyone out of the silence. Everyone silently thanked her. James took the joint from Lily and lit it. He took a drag.

“I thought you cared about your health,” said Sirius playfully.

“Fuck off, let me have a good time.” James punched Sirius’ arm, took another drag and then passed it to him.

“I just want to have a good time when you start moaning about my smoking,” said Remus. “You’re a hypocrite,”

He grinned at James, as he took the joint from Sirius.

“Cigarettes are worse for you,” James said matter-of-factly. He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Aren’t I right, sugar tits?”

Lily slapped his knee, “Sugar tits is not happening.” Lily poked James’ face lightly, “And let Remus do what he wants. He’s a big boy now.” Remus passed the joint to Lily, “Besides, Remus has done worse stuff than smoke.”

Remus’ throat clenched. Were they really going to do this now? His heart fluttered at the thought. Were they really going to list every self-destructive behaviour he’d ever done?

“He’s sleeping with Sirius. That's got to be far worse for you than cigarettes.” said Lily as she smiled, her red hair was blowing gently around her face.

“Evans. I’ll have you know that I am an excellent sleeping partner,” Sirius turned to Remus. “Right, Moony?” He looked at Remus with large eyes, pouting slightly.

Remus laughed.

“You’re a pillow princess,” said Remus and James howled with laughter. Sirius giggled and put his head on Remus’ shoulder. “You do have a nice face to sit on, mind.”

James burst out into another fit of laughter. He took off his glasses to wipe away tears.

“Merlin. I suppose smoking is the least of your worries.” James said before laughing again.

Lily threw Remus a look. Remus poked his tongue out at her, winking.

He looked out to the lake again and placed his left arm around Sirius. His heart rate had mostly returned to normal. He looked at Lily and wondered if she knew about all the terrible things he really had done; he wasn't sure.

It started last summer, after the prank. He’d gone home and refused to speak to anyone. He spent most of his nice bumming cigarettes from strangers and kissing muggle boys who looked like Sirius. He snuck into bars and clubs doing anything for a temporary escape. He wanted to forget the ache in his chest when he thought of _him_.

That summer, he ignored his owls, avoided magic and tried to forget lunar cycles. He watched his face become hollow and his ribs more pronounced. He found his first grey hair one night last summer and proceeded to spend the night crying.

Remus knew death well, had stared it in the face at four years old and had been glancing back at it ever since. Remus had read countless books at Hogwarts on lycanthropy, studied the statistics of a werewolf’s life expectancy and never pictured himself growing old- he couldn’t. Instead he pictured his funeral; he imagined his loved ones in black, crying. Sometimes it was the only way Remus could remember he was loved; that summer he forgot.

He had been stupid and said yes to things he should have said no to, but he wanted to forget the blood. He wanted to forget wide grins and selfish boys, so he said yes.

Remus was drawn out of his thoughts by James’ laughter. Sirius was no longer huddled up to him, but wrestling James to the ground as Lily laughed. Peter had woken up and was cheering them on. He watched silently, gently smiling. He turned and looked back at the water.

Everything was going to change in a few weeks. They were all going to leave Hogwarts and supposedly begin the rest of their lies. Remus knew it wasn’t true, not with a war looming over them. He looked at the faint scar on his wrist that was poking out from under his sleeve. He ran a finger over it. There was nothing left for him after Hogwarts, he wondered if the others realised it too.

“Moony. You okay?”

Remus whipped his head around quickly, knocking himself dizzy. The others were looking at him, Remus didn't know what to make of their expressions. Sadness? Concern? Pity? He nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Remus accompanied his response with a grin. “I think it’s just hit me harder than usual.”

The others nodded and returned to their conversations, laughing.

Remus looked at the ground and picked at the grass. Remus used to picture his own funeral. He used to imagine his friends mourning. But with war, anything was possible. Remus turned to look at his friends who were smiling and laughing. Remus couldn't stop himself from wondering; who’s going to be here to watch the laughing stop?

* * *

“What do you want to forget, Remus?” Joe’s voice was lower now.

Remus shrugged slowly, he felt heavy. “Everything.”

He let his head droop forwards for several moments before he looked back up. He looked at Joe through heavy-lidded eyes and willed himself to keep them open.

“We were making progress Remus.”

“This isn’t progress,” said Remus, each word drawn out. “This is you keeping a dead man alive.”

Joe inhaled a sharp breath, he shook his head rapidly.

“No,” said Joe, his voice soft. He leaned forwards slightly. “This is you doing what you need to survive.”

Remus wrinkled his nose, his eyes stung with tears.

“I don’t want to.” whispered Remus. His throat was tight and a single tear fell. “It hurts too much.”

* * *

**Identified Issues:** _Suicidal_

* * *

“Have you ever or do you suffer with thoughts of suicide?”

Remus looked up abruptly and stopped bouncing his leg.

“I’m sorry?” said Remus searching Joe’s face for an explanation.

“Do you want me to repeat the question?” Joe said, formally. He was writing something down.

Remus stared at him, mouth open in shock.

“No. I heard you.”

Remus looked at the floor.

“Yeah. I think about it.” Remus felt his face get hot. He scratched his arm.

“Have you ever made any plans to commit suicide?” Joe didn’t look at him, instead looking only at the piece of paper.

“Joe. Come on. I-”

“Have you?” Joe looked at Remus, avoiding his eyes.

“I-” Remus took a deep breath and paused for a moment. “Yes. But it was a while ago now,” he rushed.

Joe turned his head back to look at his notes and wrote another thing down. He took his glasses off and turned in his chair to look at Remus.

“When?”

The question was simple enough, but Remus couldn't speak. He had frozen. Joe watched him carefully and didn’t push; Remus was grateful.

“After-” he cleared his throat, “after I found out.”

Joe nodded and looked down, “You are worth more than you know Remus.”

He finally made eye-contact and Remus felt vulnerable. He was so used to being guarded that it felt foreign to let someone know so much about him. He blinked back tears.

“Thank you.”

“I mean it.” Joe sat upright again. He smiled. “So, that’s what we’re going to do.”

Remus was confused, “Do what?”

“We’re going to make you see your worth. That okay?”

Remus smiled, wide, and then he laughed. “Okay.”

* * *

**Name:** _Remus John Lupin_

 **Birthdate:** _10th March 1960_

 **Blood Status:** _Half-Blood (werewolf)_

 **Job Status:** _Barista at a Muggle Cafe_

 **Date of Referral:** _9th December 1981_

 **Referred by:** _Albus Dumbledore_

 **Known Partners:** _Sirius Black (ex-partner)_

 **Identified Issues:** _Depression, Anxiety, Recovering Drug addiction_

 **Further notes:** _Remus has made considerable improvement over the time working with me. We have worked hard on his addiction and he has managed to get clean and find support. His anxiety and depression have lessened in severity and he is currently on anti-depressants. He is no longer showing symptoms of being suicidal and his lycanthropy is under control. I believe that he is in a position to cope by himself, however he is free to return at any point if he deems he is struggling._

 **Signed:** _Healer Joseph Mark Smith_

 **Date of discharge:** _4th March 1991_

* * *

Remus woke abruptly to someone knocking at his door. He looked at the clock on his bedside table which indicated that it was past midnight. He stretched, pulling himself from his bed and headed downstairs, yawning.

He reached the door and opened it, standing there, like many years previous was Albus Dumbledore.

“Hello Remus,” Dumbledore’s tone was light and chipper. “Sorry if I woke you.”

Remus stared in disbelief for a few moments, his brain still half asleep. He shook his head.

“No. It’s fine, come in. Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee?” Remus offered as Dumbledore walked towards the living room.

“I don’t suppose you have any brandy, do you?” Remus shook his head. “Ah, no matter. I’ll be fine then, thank you.”

Dumbledore sat down on the sofa. Remus grabbed a chair from the dining table and sat down.

“Have you come to see how I’m doing?” said Remus as he rubbed his eyes.

“Yes and no,” said Dumbledore vaguely. “I’ve come to offer you a teaching position.”

Remus suddenly felt very awake.

“I’m sorry? What?” he said.

Dumbledore chuckled, “I’m not sure how to make myself clearer.” His eyes were glowing from behind his glasses, “The Defence Against the Dark Arts position is, once again, available.”

“Oh,” Remus rolled his shoulder, feeling several bones in his back crack. “I’m not qualified. I work in a coffee shop." 

“A position that is far below your academic abilities,” Dumbledore stated. “I want you at Hogwarts.”

His hair gleamed a bright white even in the dullness of Remus’ living room.

“I’m not safe there, I could hurt someone,” Remus argued.

“Not an issue. I’m sure you’ve heard of wolfsbane?”

Remus shook his head in disbelief, _surely not?_

“Yes,” said Dumbledore as if reading Remus’ mind, “I’m offering you a supply of wolfsbane, in exchange for your acceptance of the job.”

“It’s because he’s back, isn't it?” said Remus flatly. He motioned towards the newspaper sat on the coffee table, a picture of a wild-haired man laughing maniacally was on the cover. “You think I’m going to start everything again.”

He stood up and moved the chair back to its place at the table.

“No. I think you’ll be fine,” Dumbledore said as he stood. “It’s Harry I’m worried about. Black is after him.”

“I can’t help.” Remus motioned towards the door.

“He needs someone who he can trust. I know you’ll protect him,” said Dumbledore as he walked out of the door, he turned to face Remus. “Think about James and Lily.”

An anger built up in Remus and he fought to keep it down. He breathed slowly and counted to ten. He thought about the money, the wolfsbane, Harry. It all seemed a bit much for a conversation in the middle of the night. He thought of old friends, long before they disappeared.

“Yes,” Remus blurted out before he could stop himself, “I’ll do it.”

* * *

“I hate this fucking house.”

Sirius fell backwards onto his childhood bed. He looked around his room, untouched from the day he left. Remus laughed softly, looking down at Sirius as he leant on one of the bed posters. He folded his arms.

“I know you do.” He stuck his tongue out. He felt younger and older than he ever had. He smiled gently at Sirius who was pouting.

“I wish we could stay at yours. I loved that little dump of a place,” Sirius said as he pulled Remus down onto the bed on top of him.

Remus yelped and he clashed foreheads with Sirius.

“Yeah. Well we can’t have Order meetings there can we?” Remus pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before rolling both of them onto their sides. Sirius looked at him intently, his pupils big.

“No. I guess not.” His breath was warm and Remus moved his hand onto Sirius’ chest. He did this often, just to check it was all real - that he wasn't dreaming. He felt Sirius’ heartbeat, steady against his palm. Sirius kissed his nose. “Can we talk about it, Moony?” his voice barely above a whisper.

“Talk about what?” Remus asked. He searched Sirius’ eyes, they didn’t glow like they used to.

“You,” Sirius sounded close to tears, he pulled Remus up until they were both sitting cross legged on Sirius bed opposite each other.

Remus hesitantly nodded.

Sirius gently pulled Remus’ arms towards him and rolled his sleeves up. Remus looked down, avoiding Sirius’ eyes. He couldn’t look at him. Sirius pressed a small kiss on Remus’ inner forearm, it was something he used to do when they were teenagers. It made Remus cry.

Sirius gently traced his fingers over the scarred skin. The marks were all silver, ghosts that haunted Remus over the years. His fingers drifted up Remus’ arms near his elbow crease.

“Needles,” Remus muttered softly. “I used to like to forget everything so I got high.” Remus tried to laugh but nothing came out.

He lightly stroked his finger down Remus’ skin to the large vertical slashes on each wrist. He looked at Remus who was crying silently.

“I did that the night I found out,” croaked Remus, his voice was rough and low. “I blamed myself. McGonagall found me, stitched me up when I begged her not to. She held me when I cried.”

Remus closed his eyes.

“She’s a good woman. She offered to stay with me when I transformed, like you all used to,” Remus continued.

Sirius nodded slowly and brought his hands to Remus’ face. He kissed him slowly and softly, like he going to break. He pulled away.

“I love you Moony,” Sirius whispered and wrapped his pinky finger around Remus’. “I’m not going to leave you again. We’ll get through this together.”

“I love you too,” whispered Remus.

Remus smiled. He pressed his lips onto Sirius for a moment and for the first time in almost 15 years, he felt everything was going to be okay.

* * *

**Patient’s Name:** _Remus John Lupin_

 **Birthdate:** _10th March 1960_

 **Blood Status:** _Half-Blood (Werewolf)_

 **Job Status:** _Unemployed_  


**Known Partners:** _Sirius Black †_  


**Date of Referral:** _24th June 1996_  


**Referred by:** _Self-Referral_  


**Identified Issues:** _Depression, Anxiety, ~~Recovering~~ Drug Addiction, Suicidal_  


**Notes:** _Remus arrived suspected to be on muggle drugs. He has a previous history of substance abuse. He asked to see Healer Smith and became extremely distressed to learn that he died last year. Remus is showing symptoms of being severely suicidal. Suspected trigger is the death of Sirius Black._

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: The wonderful [Nacho](https://wolfstarhq.tumblr.com)  
> whom I am eternally grateful for  
> You can also find me on tumblr [here](https://lyalllupin.tumblr.com)  
> Any feedback would be lovely!


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